Miriam Jano.
31 years.
Married, three daughters.
Israel, Tel Aviv.
Born and raised in Odessa.
I am speaking to my friends and compatriots. To those of you who are financially dependent on the husband and feels inconvenience regarding this.
As girls, who had been brought up in the post Soviet countries, we take for granted the fact that our husbands manage finances in our families. We have to ask for money and give a report on all costs of family, children and themselves. Sometimes it develops into a method of pressure for the husband. He earns money, this is what gives him the power over us and our ability to control. In some cases, this is what even allows the man to blame, humiliate and oppress us. Sometimes we temporarily deprived of funds as punishment.
The fact that we are bringing up our children and engaged into home improvement does not give us the right to be full participants in the possession of the family budget. It also does not give us the sense of security and confidence in the future, as in the case of divorce we will stay without anything left. If you are familiar with this situation. If you hear reproaches from the man that he earns only, and you do nothing. If you feel that this is a vicious circle and there is nothing about the money or work, it is only about the control… This fact has a name — financial domestic violence.
Man is a victim as well because he has very dangerous weapon, which allows him to control the life of another person. Because he lives in a not enlightened society that is under the pressure of gender stereotypes. As soon as he saw the distorted model of relations between their parents.
The only way to solve this problem in the family, is drafting a legal document that governs the relationship (not just financial) in marriage and in the event of its dissolution.
But the most important in my opinion, is the educational work. I support the activity GENDERMUSEUM, because believe that through educational activities in our society will be more happy families which are based on respect and mutual understanding.
All the best,
Mirjam
